When you know you have done too much is a brief reflection on what happened to me over the weekend. I bet this resonates with anyone suffering from a long term illness!
When You Know You Have Done Too Much
Living With Health Conditions
I have written before about living with Fibromyalgia. I also have two auto-immune syndromes, Sjogrens and Antiphospholipid. Without going into all the details, there is a common pattern. A flare up making me feel really ill for a while, followed by a period of feeling relatively normal. The flares can last for a few days, weeks or even months. The remission periods can be the same. If I am lucky it is several months of feeling pretty good most of the time.
The Latest Flare
The latest flare happened in early November. I collapsed and ended up in the Emergency Room. Then, having bashed my knee when I collapsed I developed phlebitis and had to have daily heparin injections. But I had a massive reaction to the heparin leading to two more emergency visits to the hospital. I was ill over Christmas and the New Year.
Waking Up Feeling Great
Bring It On
But Saturday I woke up feeling really well. The best I have felt in over two months. I lay in bed and basked in the feeling of no pain! I got up and the sun was shining and the temperature was much warmer than it had been. And it felt really good to be alive and like taking real deep breaths for the first time in months.
Which is when I got carried away. It always happens, it is like being lifted up by a euphoria. I felt like I could take on the world. I know I am not alone with this feeling, I have had contact with other people with similar illnesses and they same the same thing. Suddenly you feel like you can do anything. It is an overwhelming sense of freedom.
I Did Lots of Housework
The sun was shining through the kitchen window and the light catchers were making rainbows on the walls. I cleaned the sink, the cooker top and swept the floors in the kitchen, hallway and living room. I should have stopped there but, dear reader, I can’t describe how I got swept away with happiness of feeling well! How do you know you have done too much when you feel so well and happy?
I baked a loaf of bread. I trimmed Barnet Boy’s hair and beard. Then I went for a nice walk with him and the dogs.
Time In The Studio
After lunch I went down to my studio for the first time in weeks. I set up my scanner and scanned in my latest paintings ready to upload for sale. And I noticed that my legs felt heavy and I was feeling cold but I just thought the room was a bit chilly.
I came back upstairs and then realized I had the scanner on the wrong setting and went back and redid some of the scanning. By now, my tummy was starting to hurt.
Then It Hit Me
I finally sat down and relaxed for the first time at about 5pm. But I couldn’t get warm. I ate something though I had little appetite. I started to get the warning signs of IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) with cramps.
Then I started to feel really unwell. BB had to help me to bed and supervise a visit to the toilet when I had dreadful cramps and diarrhea. Luckily I then slept well.
Wiped Out The Next Day
When I woke up yesterday I felt wrung out, exhausted. It was difficult to put one foot in front of the other. I rested all day and started to feel a lot better by the evening.
Recovering
Today I feel a lot better, though my right leg is refusing to co-operate. I am sure that will loosen up as the day goes on if I rest. With a bit of luck it is only a temporary flare this time – and all self-inflicted. I don’t feel like I have gone back to rock bottom again. I think it is a warning!
A Repeat Pattern
I have to say this a repeat pattern. Intellectually I can see it and Barnet Boy points it out and lectures me every time. I can’t really describe how I can’t sit still when I feel well, it is almost like a hyperactivity. It does cross my mind that I am doing too much, but I feel so good I think ‘I am getting away with it’. It is something I definitely need to work on!
You tell me. How do you know when you have done too much?
Before you go
My name is Dorothy Berry-Lound an artist and writer. You can find out more about my art and writing at https://dorothyberryloundart.com.
You can follow me on Facebook.
Thank you for reading!
When I have done too much I feel overstimulation from lights, sounds, and other senses. I get brain fog and I simply need to take a nap. Sometimes all of this ends in a migraine. Lately I’ve been wanting to do too much of everything and it’s something I need to moderate.
I am getting addicted to the feeling that I’ve learned and made progress on the things I am teaching myself; I have to balance that with giving myself a break so that I don’t break down.
Thank you for this post–it is very honest and helps me feel brave enough to be open and honest myself!
A big hug Mariella! I am glad you found my post helpful. Yes self-moderation is my downfall as I explained. I think sometimes we have to be brave enough to say to ourselves that we can’t do anymore. Rather than trying to soldier on and be ‘normal’.
Sending you love Dorothy, so glad to hear that you felt better! But taking a break is so important for your health!
Thank you Cristina. I just need to remember when I get carried away!
You must take care of yourself Dorothy. My mother is like that. She just can’t stop doing things. Once she had a surgery and was supposed to rest herself for a month. Well, I just managed to have her resting for a day or two.Thank God she recovered ok cause I was really worried of what might had happened.
You are absolutely right Eri. I must get my brain into gear! I am glad your Mum was okay. My Mum is the same.