Ten Cat Laws To Live By Written By The Cat

Today we look at ten cat laws to live by and I am pleased to welcome a guest blogger, Ms Stevie Mouse. Stevie is a veteran of watching me write blogs for some five years now, often willing to extend a paw to help. She was particularly interested in a recent blog entitled ‘Why Do We Say Cats Have Nine Lives?‘. Being partially sighted has given Stevie a unique perspective on the world as she lives indoors and has no experience of outside. Over to you, Stevie Mouse.

Ten Cat Laws To Live By

Introduction by Ms Stevie Mouse

I am pleased to finally be able to bring some sanity to this blog business by writing about something that really matters. We all know that Mummy and Daddy can’t do anything without me and this writing stuff is no different. Humans are not like us. For a start they take their fur off before they go to bed at night (no wonder I am partially sighted). This is my perspective on ten cat laws to live by and I hope kittens everywhere take note.

Cat Laws

1. Asking To Be Let Through A Door

This one seems simple but asking to be let through the door takes some skill to get right. Wait until your human is comfortable on the sofa and has relaxed and then ask for the door to be opened. They may ignore you to start with so you have to find something that really annoys them to get their attention. Just miaowing may not be enough. I have found scratching the door does it. They get up and let you through the door and then close it again.

Now, and this is really important. You have to wait and give them time to sit down again and relax. And then scratch on the door to be let back in. It drives them crazy and it works every time.

2. The Importance Of Bed Making

I can’t stress enough the importance of getting involved with changing the bed linen. Mummy never gets it quite how I like it unless I help. After the fun of stripping the bed and rolling in the sheets, the best part is the duvet cover. Endless possibilities for getting caught up inside it and creating chaos. Plus it takes Mummy a lot longer.

3. Hiding When Scared

Things happen that are scary so it is important to have hideaways that you can disappear in to. Practice will tell you which of your hideaways are most effective. When I first started hiding I would forget things like my tail sticking out – dohhh! Or I would purr and give away where I was. I now know the best places to disappear into. They work because Mummy can’t find me and starts to worry. I wait until she starts to sound a bit panicky and then make my appearance nonchalantly. That has the most effect in my experience and might even lead to treats.

4. Coping With Dog Brothers

Mummy told me we were worshiped as Gods in Egypt (which I think must be a place down the road somewhere). It is important to remember that when dealing with dogs and establish the ground rules early. When my two dog brothers arrived as puppies they were easy to knock into shape and they know who is boss around here. They do clean my ears and they are nice to snuggle up to by the fire. But they are a bit smelly and noisy and boisterous so pick your time to be with them when they are nice and quiet. And if they start barking remember number 3.

5. Only Use A Clean Litter Tray

I have two cat brothers and a cat sister so we have several litter trays around the house. If everyone stays in all night (particularly in winter) those trays can get filled up pretty quickly. Daddy’s job in the morning is to clean out all the litter trays. It takes him quite a while to do and he complains a lot while he is doing it. It is important to stand back and watch. If the bag he is putting it in splits things can get really interesting so pay attention. When the tray is clean and full of new litter don’t be tempted, be patient. Wait until he has washed his hands, got a cup of tea and gone to sit down and relax. Then take the litter tray by storm and enjoy the loud groans and comments coming from the other room.

Half way through my ten cat laws to live by and so many good things to come!

6. Never Accept Medication Without A Treat

Owing to a problem with my cat brother Treacle (see number 7) I had an eye injury that was very serious. The vet told Mummy I could lose my eye but in fact it was saved but has some scarring and is very dry. So I have to have artificial tears put in that eye twice each day. To start with I resisted dear friends. So undignified! But then I realised that if I allowed it to happen I would be given a cat treat. So I gradually trained Mummy and Daddy so that I would only have the drops if I got a treat. It is important to make a big fuss at the time of the drops so it is clear the sacrifice that is being made. Though, don’t tell Mummy, the drops aren’t painful at all. The reward is worth it. Never give something away for nothing!

7. Find A Way To Live With Interlopers

For a long time there was just me, my sister Emmy (who left us last year) and my big brother and sister Malteser and Lucy. But a couple of years ago Mummy had to look after five kittens after their Mum got sick. Then one of them had to have major surgery and worked his magic on Mummy and was added to the family. His name is Treacle and he is a horrible little oik.

At three months old he needed a lot of work, hissing and smacking so he learned his place. As he got older he tried to take over as boss cat and had to be put in his place. He has calmed down a lot now but he still has wild moments and what ought to be a playful rough and tumble can become quite painful. That is how I ended up with a bad eye (see number 6).

8. Never Accept An Empty Food Bowl

A food bowl should be full with no sign of the bottom. Full stop. There is no other discussion. Sometimes I jump up on my window ledge and find I can see the bottom of the bowl. I can’t describe the feeling of horror. I just stand and stare and stare in disbelief at the bowl and then at Mummy until she refills the bowl. Don’t settle for less!

9. The Importance Of Staring

Sometimes staring can be the only way to get attention. As mentioned in number 8. Also it is a good way to get a reaction as they like the fact that you are looking at them. If you want to some extra cuddles and attention try staring. However, if you want to have fun, try staring at them for a long time for no particular reason. After a while they start to freak out…

10. Establishing A Bedtime Ritual

An important part of training your human is making sure there is a clear bedtime ritual. When Daddy takes the dogs out for their bedtime walk and Mummy is closing up the house and turning off lights my ritual kicks in. Mummy likes it when I chase her ankles as she walks around the room turning off the lamps. She likes having to turf me out of the bathroom when I have got into an awkward space she can’t quite reach. She has to stop me going out the front door when she goes to bring in the food from the porch. I don’t really want to go outside but I love Mummy’s reaction when I try. Finally, I have trained Mummy to place my toy mice exactly how I like them overhanging the footstool. That means they are easy for me to find and play with in the night.

I hope cats and kittens everywhere will find these ten cat laws to live by useful. Now I am off for a nap. This blogging lark is exhausting!

Cat Art Images

Check out my cat art images at my Art Heroes (Europe), Pictorem (USA and Canada) and RedBubble (worldwide) stores.

Before you go

My name is Dorothy Berry-Lound an artist and writer. You can find out more about my art and writing at https://dorothyberryloundart.com.

You can follow me on Facebook.

Thank you for reading!